Hello! This is Pearl here, back again bringing you more utter nonsense. In this installment, I will be discussing one of the most divisive topics a student can broach: the war of pens versus pencils.

Now, in our educational careers, we have all met at least one teacher who refuses to use pens. This instructor often teaches math, and we typically must obey their rule. Using a pen on this teacher’s homework results in a scolding at best, a fiery 0% at worst. This teacher has standards. Thou shalt not use pens. The logic is clear in this case—more often than not, an equation written on homework has a mistake, or is wrong in its entirety. The math teacher has reasons for their tyranny.

Pencils, with their ever-present erasers, are much more useful than pens when it comes to homework. However, life seems to disapprove of the trustworthy pencil. Restaurant checks frown upon their use, and banks have condemned them to the Pit. So is your high school math teacher right? Are pencils really the one true way?

I’m here—arms laden with useless information—to tell you that there is no perfect answer. Though pencils are the misspeller’s dream, they are fundamentally impractical in terms of the everyday. Who would write a check for $76 in pencil? They would have to be insane. That check could easily be turned (by someone relatively unsavory) from a withdrawal of grocery money to one of $76,000 instead; the price of one really solid BMW xDrive50i. Very nice, very shiny, very out of your budget range.

Pens are concrete. When you purchase one, you’re making a contract to be confident in your answer, 24/7. Screwed up a sentence? Wrote “nesessery” instead of “necessary”? Your only option is to vigorously scribble it out and pray you don’t make the same mistake on your résumé.

Though pencils are the ideal for those who are less-than-confident in their grasp of vocabulary, they are ultimately made for students, artists, authors, and the population that still writes grocery lists on paper. They do not stand up against the noble pen in terms of serious business.

The ultimate choice is yours—if you’re ready and willing to make mistakes and learn from them, a pencil is the writing utensil for you. If you’re a fancy businessperson who frequently trades stocks and bonds and harbors a personal hatred of human error, go for a nice pen. 

If in reading this you have noticed a serious lack of attention paid to erasable pens and mechanical pencils, your outrage is quite justified. Those are simply issues to be considered another day.

I thank you for the past 82 seconds of your life.